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What a week!

Monday and Tuesday were Greg's days off from Molter's. We didn't do much.

Tuesday night my mom texts me saying that my dad and brother were stuck at the airport for a tornado warning. So, let me get this straight. Me and Casey can't go visit in 2 weeks because of the panic attack she'd had one night, but my brother wasn't told to stay home? How is that fair? I couldn't seem to help myself, forty years of bullshit bubbled to the surface and spewed out at her via text message. I told her I was done, I couldn't take it anymore. My brother has always been favored over me. Always. But that's not all. My mother has been driving a wedge between us my entire life with her antics. All I ever needed was her love but all I ever got were spankings and bathroom lock-ups over tantrums that are a part of my PMDD (and possible autism) and out of my control. When I was a teenager, she told my dad if he ever took my side again she'd divorce him. Up until then, he'd shown me the love I so desperately needed. When I was 15 and got sick after having been date-raped, she called me a whore. I slapped her. I never regretted it.

She hardly ever comes to visit me, but can go on all sorts of vacations. I have to try and plan short visits to her around my work schedule and her vacation schedule. I only make it once or twice a year. My brother's even worse! He sees Casey so seldom that I have to remind Casey who he even is on the rare occasion they spend any time together.

She claims I've never even tried to understand her illness (that supposedly prevents her from coming to visit me, mind you). It's not her illness I can't understand. What I can't understand is how she goes to all these doctors and the only thing they help with is draining daddy's wallet.

And because of supposed illness, I can't say anything negative at all to her without being told I've made her "so sick I vomited."

All that was relayed to her Tuesday night. My dad eventually texts me with LIES. Straight-up lies. Saying they never spanked me. Don't even! I remember spankings, quite vividly. He told me not to text my mom again. I told him that neither of them would be hearing from me or Casey again.

And I broke. Shattered into a million pieces. All I've ever wanted was my mommy and her love. Why is that so much to ask??

And poor Casey now loses his grandparents?

And I know if I'd just kept my mouth shut he wouldn't have so I feel like it's all my fault, but if you ask me they had it coming. But for one, I shouldn't have waited quite so long. And for another, I should have maybe taken more time to delicately word things to avoid the screenshot of her elevated blood pressure, which of course was all my fault.

Wednesday was very much a normal day for me, except I didn't do any deliveries for DoorDash and I cried a lot.

Thursday I went in to give my boss my 2-week notice, but she said she'd talk to my coworkers about fairly distributing tasks so I don't get stuck at the register for hours, so I withheld my notice.

Later that morning, I got a call from the Boys & Girls Club that Casey was having a meltdown and I would have to come and get him because he would not calm down. It's really unfortunate because it was his last day there for the summer. The last day of their summer program is the 20th, but Casey's now with his dad for the week. I picked him up and we rested for a while together once we got home. The rest of the day went fine.

Friday morning I had my annual physical exam with my doctor. I'm going to be referred to the Ob/Gyn for further testing. I'll have to go back to my general practitioner at some point soon to get my ingrown toenails fixed. Otherwise, it was a fairly routine appointment.

Friday night, work went pretty decent! I left feeling quite satisfied like if it stays like that I can handle it! I was stuck at the register at times, but it wasn't for too long before relief would come. Brenda even let me put away the cooler totes, which contain our fresh case merchandise.

Saturday, after dropping Greg off at work, I returned home and laid back down to get some more sleep. I got up in time to have lunch at Molter's with Greg. Then I went back home and took care of my free book & paid emails before getting ready for work.

Saturday night at work was a complete disaster. I was stuck at the registers for the first 3 straight hours of my shift. I let Brenda know I was going on break, but then she started barking off orders for me anyway. I reminded her I was on break and continued to try and rest up. After my break, I asked Brenda if she minded if I put away the cooler totes again, and she said she didn't care. I got through one stack, but then she said she needed me up at the registers before I grabbed another stack. There was no further communication. No one was at the registers when I got up there. Brenda had gone off to deal with the Take Home Meals that had arrived on the truck, which was what Hunter had been doing earlier. Hunter was in the Kitchen helping Brayden. Brayden ended up going on break. So there I was, stuck. I was stuck at the registers for all but about an hour of my shift.

See... I'm disabled. I have bone-on-bone arthritis in my right patella. As with any arthritis, near-constant movement is the best medicine. A few months ago, when we hired on a guy named Thor and also acquired Sarah as our new Assistant Store Leader, everything changed for me. Up until that point, it was as though I were at the registers too much, when it didn't seem like much at all to me. I was constantly on the go. I would be sore, but a different kind of sore. The good kind. The post-workout kind of sore. Sometimes it would take a day to bounce back from it, but my knee was feeling so much better. And I was so proud of myself for holding down a steady job despite my disability. But then, Thor and Sarah came. One night, I asked if I could do the outside garbages just to get an opportunity to move around, and Brenda flat-out told me that she wanted Thor to do it because he could do it faster. Thor's since transferred to another store closer to his military academy, but Sarah remains. We've hired on a couple of other guys and they're being trained to be always on the go. And the message is being sent that Amber is to be stuck at the registers. I've had to reduce my available hours to work because I can't be stuck at the registers for 7 or 8 hours of the night. So I have documentation on file that I can only work 10-12 hours a week. I already tried to quit once, but my boss said she'd talk to the others. And the first shift after was fine! But then last night happened and I just don't think I can do it again. And yet, if I quit now, I forfeit my annual bonus that should be between $700 and $1200.

Another thing that was going on at work last night was with DoorDash. We had an order come in but did not have what the guest ordered. I was told the order was transferred over to the truck stop, but a duplicate one came in at our store. Same guest, same order. I let Brenda know that a Dasher was on their way to our store, and she just completely ignored me, saying the order had been transferred. I tried to explain that it was a new order, but she said nothing and kept cleaning the roller grill. I had guests at the register, so I said as much and went back to that. The next thing I know, here's a Dasher to collect the order. She was asking what did we have from the order and said she'd take it. I radioed Brenda and she stalked over saying "Nothing, we have nothing. The order was transferred to the truck stop. It's already been delivered to the guest." She said that to both me and the Dasher. The Dasher copped an attitude with her and left.

Today has gone surprisingly well, considering everything else this week. After dropping Greg off at work, I went back to bed for a while. I got up and waited to hear from him about lunch. After lunch, I headed back home and got busy cleaning. I had to do the dishes, take the trash out, throw more trash away now that the garbage can had room, clean Betty's cage, and clean up the high-traffic parts of the floors. I'm going to make Greg clean the sink and toilet in the bathroom. I don't think that's so much to ask. And a few things need to be put away that are on the kitchen table. But the apartment is mostly back to how I like it.

The below pictures are from shortly after cleaning her cage. She didn't take long to start making it messy again lol.

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