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Wednesday, October 7, 2020

Clearly, I had Brad on my mind when I was filling this out in the morning. I didn’t realize I’d put down my needing to share my feelings and concerns with him twice. A lot of good it did me.

I spent all morning on Second Life, but I was still busily decluttering and moving things around. I went to Walmart and picked up a storage bin and put a bunch of stuff in it that had been in a drawer unit I had. The drawer unit would be able to get donated to Casey for him to store toys or whatnot in it.

I had a Telehealth visit with Lisa at 1. It went pretty well. I felt better getting to unload all my issues to her and felt that the visit was pretty productive. She agreed with me that it may not be the best idea, after all, to warn Brad about an upcoming talk. I couldn’t even bring myself to deliver the warnings. I suggested that I could maintain my pensive look and wait for him to ask me about it, give it a couple times. See if that works. If not, I really need to find a way to bring up my feelings.

I go back and forth on things a bit. One day I’m fine with things staying as they are, the next I see that he’s been active on POF or AFF and it gets under my skin. Like, he wants a relationship but I’m right here!!

I kept hanging around on Second Life for a while but then got on ArcheAge: Unchained again in the later afternoon. I played on there for a while but was feeling pretty down because I’d seen Brad go online on POF. So I ended up closing it out. It’d be better for me not to look on the sites at all, but curiosity always gets the better of me. And then what happens? I pay for it.

I’d sent Brad a text in the early afternoon, just a GIF wishing him a Happy Wednesday. A while after I’d seen that he was on POF I sent another text saying I was kid-free and off work and that I’d like to hang out. That text paid off, I ended up hearing from him. He came over, and I made sure to keep the pensive look about me. That was easy, all I had to do was keep thinking about the situation. He didn’t talk as much as he usually does, I think because he noticed my mood. He never asked me about it though.

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