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Wednesday

I got up and got some coffee while the computer booted, then got dressed while also getting Casey up, dressed, and fed. I dropped him off at school, then headed back home.

I took care of my free book & paid emails, then got on Grand Theft Auto for my daily wheel spin.

I went to Walmart to get a 6-cube organizer so I could put Lucille’s little tank on it. It looks so much nicer and is a more stable home for her.

I went and picked Casey up from school, then brought him back home for a few hours. He definitely likes Lucille’s new setup.

I had a telehealth visit with Lisa at 2. It went really well. I explained to her how I’d told Brad I loved him so that he could actually hear me, and how I fumbled the next couple of days with “off” texts. I told her I really felt we needed to have the “status” talk, and I wondered if it would be better to have it via text message. That way, if he forgot anything, I could reference the date and he could look back on it. I told her I felt like sending a text right then, and she said I could work on it with her if I wanted to. So, here’s what I sent him:

I guess I’ll just get it out. This is going to be kind of lengthy, sorry. We’ve been doing whatever this is for over 9 months now and I’ve mostly been pretty happy with how things are going. I’ve only had hints at whether or not you feel the same. For instance, a month or so into things you told me “The best part of every night is making out with you.” That was such a sweet thing to say at the time and it meant a lot to me. A few months ago, you told me you loved me, but I didn’t reciprocate even though I feel the same. I guess I have the rational fear that you were only saying it in the moment and didn’t really mean it. Later that night, you said “You owe me.” I tried to delicately bring it up the next day, and you said “Drunk me doesn’t make much sense” and that you didn’t remember anything you’d said. I had no choice at that point but to pretend you’d never said it to begin with. It took me a few months to gather up the courage, but I feel that after 9 months I should be able to say how I feel, even if you don’t reciprocate. So, the other night, I did. And you grinned, which was enough for me. So that was my reference the other day to “now we’re even.” I guess what I’m getting at is this: There are times I’m confused about whether or not you feel the same way as me. Sometimes you say things that indicate you do, but then I’m always faced with your inability to remember what you’d said. I chose to get into this situation knowing where I stood at the time, but I don’t know where things stand now. I want to know if you’re happy with where things have been, for the most part, and I would like to know where things stand now after 9 months. I don’t want things to get awkward between us but I felt the need to get this out and get your thoughts so we can move forward knowing where things stand and go from there.

She was really proud of how well I did with composing and actually sending the text. We wrapped up the visit, then I spent some time messing around on Facebook.

Dave picked Casey up at around 4:30, then I got ready for work. Work went pretty well, despite nothing having been done by the time I got there. The machines should have already been cleaned, but they hadn’t been. Brenda took care of those and I worked on a bunch of other things.

I was hoping to have gotten a response from Brad but didn’t. I came home after work, spent a bit of time winding down, then went to bed.







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