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Tuesday

I got up and got some coffee while the computer booted, then got dressed while also getting Casey up, dressed, and fed. I dropped him off at school at the usual time, then headed back home.

I sent Brad a message early on mentioning it being Taco Tuesday because he’d talked about fish tacos on Sunday night. I was hinting at seeing him again later that night.

I got on Fallout 76 for a while, as I waited for my free book & paid emails to arrive. I also launched a few other games, to get their resolutions set to look good on the second monitor. Once the emails had come in, I went through them and then worked for a couple hours.

I went and picked Casey up from school at the usual time, then brought him home and got him to sit on the toilet. I got back to work.

Dave got home, much to my dismay, and then left to go to Jennifer’s for the night. As he was leaving, I wanted to make sure he’d said goodbye to Casey, and he told me to fuck off. Nice, real nice. At least he did come back upstairs to let Casey know he was leaving.

Casey had a therapy appointment at 5. The first half of it was spent going over a treatment plan for him while he was building stuff with these little discs. Casey actually brought up that Dave’s mean to him all the time, but when she asked for details he just said that he tickles him and he doesn’t like it. I get the feeling, though, that he’ll bring it up again. And that’s part of my reason for him being in therapy. To gauge the damage that’s been done by Dave to our kid. Once the treatment plan was done, Faith built stuff with him and they chatted. She asked if I wanted to build anything, and I just explained my problem with working with small things. It gets my restless leg going. She let me know that a lot of the games they would be playing would require parental involvement. That’s fine as long as they don’t involve me building with tiny pieces lol.

I sent Brad another message, asking if he wanted to come over to my house since Dave was out for the night. He said he didn’t know if he’d be able to drive by then. Well, then maybe lay off the beer for a while so you can? I didn’t say that, though. Instead, I suggested I could come by and pick him up before putting Casey to bed.

That led to a whole conversation I wasn’t wanting to have. First, it was basically about him not being comfortable meeting Casey because he is “nothing” and didn’t want to be “just a memory.” But he also said that he’s not relationship material and he’s a ticking time bomb in them. He also said he has other demons he’s fighting that I don’t even know about yet. He said he does like me as a friend but couldn’t do that to me. That led to me telling him the things I was wanting to wait a month or two to tell him, all the things I’d wanted to tell him in person. I told him he’s not “nothing,” trying to avoid the inevitable conversation, but then I felt I had no choice but to say what I didn’t want to say yet. I added that, if he is a ticking time bomb, shouldn’t it be at least partly my decision whether or not to enter into a relationship knowing that? By that point, I was no longer expecting responses from him, and I said as much. I’d said my piece, basically telling him goodbye without actually saying goodbye. I told him that if there comes a time where he likes me as more than a “friend” and is willing to try, I’m here.

After that, it was time to get Casey to bed. He’d been getting ready for bed while that conversation was going on, so I went ahead and read to him and tucked him in.

I had another hour of work to do, but I couldn’t face it. I got on Fallout 76 again, but couldn’t face that either. I ended up watching an episode of NCIS and then called it a night.

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