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Thursday

Got up on time, got Casey ready for school, fed, and dropped off. We were a little early, so I couldn’t take him to his classroom yet. He didn’t complain about it being too cold outside this time, thankfully.

Headed home and got some coffee and got on SL to park.

Spent time scrolling through Facebook, just losing interest in doing anything else. Not a good sign.

Heard from Colin, but I explained to him that I was feeling really depressed, and that it wasn’t something he’d want to hear about, and that I didn’t want to upset him. He said it was fine, so I called him.

Blubbering like a fool, I told him all about Daniel, and that I knew that I was feeling too much too fast, that when I don’t hear from him, especially after sending certain messages, I just dwell on all the things Dave has ever said to me, making me feel undesirable. I’d been so upset that I hadn’t had anyone I felt I could talk to about the whole thing, it did help me feel better to be able to talk to Colin. He wasn’t upset, thankfully. He did say he’d sensed there was something going on.

We spent most of the rest of the call in silence, occasionally me going on again about all my insecurities.

Went and got Casey from school, got him to sit on the toilet, then let him get on Minecraft while I continued my pity party.

I eventually did hear from Daniel, and things picked up right where they’d left off. I didn’t want to pry about why I hadn’t heard from him. He lives a few hours away, but I wanted to see him and made the crazy suggestion that, if I were invited, I’d go see him. I was about 45 minutes into the drive when I got a text that he had to go to Tomah to get his son, because something was going on with his ex and her family. I turned around, but instead of going home went to a bar, where I proceeded to get completely wasted and sent Daniel a ton of texts, which I later regretted. I assumed he was probably asleep, but worried that I would go an extended time without hearing from him again.

Finally headed home, talked to Colin for a while until the room stopped spinning, then went to bed.

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