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Reflections…

I just got finished watching “We Are Marshall” with Dave… well, he slept through most of it (he always falls asleep within the first 10 minutes of a movie) but I watched it in its entirety.

It got me thinking… mostly about personal shit…

April 29, 1996… the most horrible day of my life… the most tragic day of my life…

I died that day. Maybe I really died years before, but just didn’t realize how dead I was until that day, the day tragedy struck my life. After that, I was a zombie for nine years until, finally, I got over what had happened that day… but, even now as I am sitting here thinking after midnight on a Friday night… I don’t think I’ve ever been able to “rise from the ashes.” I’m still breathing, my heart is still beating, and I am still thinking, but I am certainly not alive…

I think it is time for me to rise from those ashes, and start to live…

 

I just posted the above over at MySpace. There is something I wanted to add specifically here, though… if I were to post it on MySpace it may be seen by someone I don’t want to see it…

There is a person I used to be friends with. I never had any intention of no longer speaking to this person, but over the last year we have become distant… I have been extremely irritated about a few things, which I would like to take this time to express…

First, she kept deleting her journals and creating new ones… for the longest time I felt somewhat obligated to keep adding her, she made it seem like I was the only person she was posting the journal entries for. But, she recently deleted it again, and I’ve decided that, should she ever create a new one, I won’t add her new journal to my list… the reason for that I will now go into…

Her son has a learning disability that lead to him getting a check every month from the Social Security Administration. I know from what she’d told me that they don’t have a lot of money, particularly very little to “burn.” Even still, every post she’d make on here would detail items she’d just purchased off the internet. At first, I was amused over the things she’d buy… but, as time passed, I realized she was, more than likely, spending her sons SSI money on herself, for foolish things she didn’t really need… which included the many CD/DVD burners she had bought and returned (in the end, stating she did not think it morally correct to download or burn music or video). After a while, I realized what she was probably doing (going based on assumption based on the facts, here) and it infuriated me, because Dave and I don’t exactly have a lot of money and the Social Security Administration continuously refuses to give us assistance of any kind, not even insurance! I have a documented mental disability, but since it’s “just bipolar” and nothing too serious, we can’t get help…

My thoughts are starting to jumble together now… I should go…

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