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Perhaps more frustrated? Or less? I don’t know…

Alright, so as I mentioned earlier, I wasn’t feeling well this morning. By the time I’d been at work an hour, I was so nauseated I could taste vomit, though I never did get sick.

*Break while I take my laptop upstairs*

Well, this isn’t really much better, with Dave’s alcoholic mother passed out on the couch in the next room, but she sleeps rather soundly so I’ll just continue from here.

Alright, so I wasn’t feeling well at all, and I mentioned it to the managers. After some time, they must have reviewed the deployment chart and realized they did need me because I was the last of first shift to be leaving. They told me I couldn’t go home.

I don’t recall asking to go home. I told them I was sick, but I was there, and I was working.

I took a short break, since I was only scheduled 6 hours anyway, and spent the latter 10 minutes talking with Anita. I basically figured that *maybe* I wasn’t really sick, but just stressed, like I was the last time I felt that way.

So, she asked what I was stressed about, and I thought about it and decided to tell her. While the rest of the conversation may have taught me a lesson, I was still as confused, if not more so, about the situation.

She said that they may not see that I am the dependable person I am, because I’m sick and leave early. So it’s a vicious cycle then. I’m stressed because of the lack of hours I’m getting, which in turn makes them think I’m not there as much as I should be, which in turn results in them not giving me my hours.

Okay, while part of that makes sense, here’s the rub: I don’t leave early by my own accord, EVER. I called out one day, while I was actually IN the emergency room. They took me off the schedule until I brought in a doctor’s note. I *tried* to call out one day when I had a migraine and was crying uncontrollably (not a good combo) but Anita wouldn’t let me, but ended up sending me home anyway because I wouldn’t stop blubbering in front of customers. I think that one other time I did end up going home because I had a migraine and I was covered. Meaning, they would have sent someone home anyway, but since I was in so much pain I couldn’t see straight, they let me leave.

Okay, so that’s 3 times and I’ve been there since sometime in September. At the beginning of November, I think, I left Walmart with promise of full time hours at Panera… full time hours I still haven’t gotten except for 2 or 3 nonconsecutive weeks.

Every other time I ended up leaving early, I was actually quite pissed off about it. And there have been a LOT of other days they’ve sent me home early.

Another girl I work with, Alex, says she’s been working there for about a year and a half and hasn’t gotten the full time she’s supposed to be getting. But, she also mentioned she has a bad temper. If what Anita said is any indication, they probably won’t give someone with anger management issues the hours they’re looking for.

Okay, so I can grin and bear it when I’m sick, which I’ve done MANY times, and still work my shifts. But are they really going to give me my full time hours then? I am sick while *at* work more often then I’m sick *away* from work… so what difference is that really going to make? That’s what I’m already doing! It doesn’t make any sense!

I was really sick today, but stayed. I’ve had a migraine for a week, but have worked EVERY day and even picked up an extra shift despite. So why would Carrie and Jim think I’m any less than dependable? Because I kindly let them know when I feel like shit, just in case? I’d rather them know in advance I’m sick, just in case I end up *really* sick while there. I would think they’d appreciate that, on the off-chance I’d end up contagious. It is the restaurant industry, after all.

So, I’m at a loss, still, as to what to do. If I go to work sick, as I’ve been doing, but I don’t tell them, what if I *am* contagious and maybe *I* don’t even realize it. Technically, according to the employee handbook, if I’m nauseous I’m not supposed to be there, because it’s a sign of contagiousness. But, they don’t seem bothered by that. However, by not saying anything, if I don’t let on that I don’t feel well, then they’ll see that I really am dependable, which I already know I am considering all the facts.

But still… that’s just what gets me this time. When I’m sick, I am still there, but when I’m not sick, I end up getting sent home for labor issues. When I do get sent home, I’m pissed off about it. When I would rather be in bed, I’m there working hard and busting my ass. How can they *not* see me as dependable? It’s ridiculous!

So is there a fix to this, or are they just cutting my hours for S&G?

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