So, things have been pretty tense at home.
When Dave suggested I start telling my parents when they irritated me or pissed me off, I thought it would also help my stress to apply the same advice to him. There are a LOT of things that have been bothering me for YEARS, and they are all things I’d mentioned to him MANY times over the years, and I got to where I was sick of having to ask him to do or not do certain things… like throw away the toilet paper rolls when he changes the TP or to flush the toilet after he uses it. These are things I don’t feel I should have to ask him. So, I started making sure to say something EVERY time it came up. And he got to feeling like I was getting all over him about things. I can see how it would seem that way when someone uses the toilet multiple times a day and forgets to flush the toilet a percentage of the time.
Things got even worse once I started vocalizing my frustrations. We started fighting more.
I got to thinking… at first I thought about leaving him again. Then I realized I can’t do that. If I were to ever leave him, there’s no way the courts would ever grant me custody of my child. I’m sure Dave would want custody, and with my bipolar, depression, and anxiety, he has too much against me. He could probably get them to declare me an unfit mother. I’d be lucky to get visitation rights! And I CANNOT lose my son, so that means I have GOT to make this marriage work!
I know things aren’t always going to be peachy. I did marry my opposite, after all. And I do love him with all my heart. I can’t imagine my life without him. He does make me happy, just not as often as I would like.
A lot of times, too, his tone of voice makes me feel like he’s talking down to me, and I want to feel like he puts me on the same level as him. I think it’s important for Casey to grow up seeing that his parents put each other on the same level. I think it’s important for him to grow up seeing that his parents love each other, also.
Every time I mention a problem with his tone of voice, he flips out about it. He insists that tone of voice has NOTHING to do with communication. I say it is one of three parts to every message. The words themselves are another part, and body language is the third part. Tone of voice is always at least 1/3 of a message. If the conversation isn’t in person, it is half the message.
I need to figure out how to either get him to stop taking that derogatory tone with me, or stop feeling like that tone is derogatory. This will save our marriage.
