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Just not right…

I’ll start at the beginning with this one.

While I was in the shower last night, apparently a roach was crawling around in our bedroom, which Dave saw and killed. This is the 3rd one since we moved into the apartment, all of them showing up after our stuff was finally dropped off after 3 weeks of waiting. So, we suspect that maybe they were coming from our boxes, which were baking in the Texas heat for those 3 weeks while we waited.

In particular, there were a couple boxes Dave had moved from the kitchen area into the bedroom. The first roach was seen in the kitchen area before he’d moved the boxes, and the 2nd two roaches were in our master bed/bath after the boxes were moved. So, Dave suggested we go through the boxes, empty them, check our stuff for roaches, and get rid of the boxes and packing materials.

There were just two boxes, so Dave worked on one and I worked on the other. Casey was being a mischievous kid, nothing out of the ordinary lol. He kept messing with the box Dave was working on. Dave became frustrated, and yelled at Casey, “Stop it! I’m going to strangle you tonight!” I said, right away, “You can’t say that kind of thing to your child!” And he denied any wrongdoing, saying Casey understood what he was trying to say, that he didn’t mean it literally. Children take everything literally until they are around 7 years old. Casey is TWO.

I told my “parents” what happened. I’ve been complaining to them a lot lately, making sure that they understand that he has been verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusing me for the last 8 years, since getting out of Active Duty. They used to think that I was only complaining when my PMDD (then thought to be bipolar) was flaring up, but I have tried to make it clear lately that it has nothing to do with my hormonal issues, that the way he is treating me is abuse. I’m doing this in hopes that they will help me to escape, somehow someway. They are wealthy, there has to be something they can do. But, they refuse.

First, they say that Casey needs for us to work things out. Well, yeah, ideally, that’s what Casey needs. But, what’s most important is simply that Casey’s parents are happy, whether we are happy together or apart. And Casey needs to NOT grow up in an abusive environment. He could either resent his daddy for abusing his mommy (and him), or resent me for staying and putting up with it, or grow up thinking that it’s ok to treat people that way. None of those are acceptable outcomes. So, either the abuse needs to stop, or we need to divorce.

Second, they keep saying that if I leave Dave I have to stay in Texas, that the law will require me to. Ok, I am being abused by my husband, and now so is my son. I am fairly certain that, at some point, in the near or distant future, that abuse will become physical. I fear for our safety. I don’t know, YET, what the Texas law is regarding divorce/custody in cases of domestic abuse, but I can’t see how a judge in his/her right mind would force me to stick around. Honestly, I’d consider a restraining order at this point to keep him away from us. I’m scared that if/when we do escape, he will turn violent.

And, of course, everyone keeps saying that Dave needs to seek help for his PTSD. The army will say all day long that they will give help to their soldiers after coming home from the war. Yeah, sure, they will. But soldiers are being discharged all the time for seeking help for PTSD. Why? Because people with PTSD are prone to random violent outbursts. They are, therefore, a liability. Not to mention, Dave is in complete denial that he has anything wrong with him. He insists that this is just the way he is, that he’s not serious about the things he says, and that I take things too literally and overreact. He makes it seem like it’s ME who has the problem, when in reality it is HIM.

I have to pretend that the way he is treating me is not messing me up in the head. If I show how he affects me, the dark thoughts that enter my mind, the feelings of depression, hopelessness, and helplessness, the constant struggle to keep myself going, if I let him see that, he can use it against me in court, claiming I am mentally unstable and therefore unfit to care for our son. The objective is to escape the abuse, the both of us. I need to make sure that nothing about my actions or words indicates any mental instability.

I need to consult an attorney, find out what my options are, find out where the law stands. I need out.

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