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Frustrated…

I had talked to Carrie (the idiot) on Sunday about my hours… I asked her, if I were to work at Walmart again, if she’d be able to work around my schedule. She said she wanted to talk to Jim, since I am supposed to be full time, but that they would be able to do that. So on Monday, she told me I’d be getting my full time hours, starting with the schedule she was working on, which is for the week starting this Monday. The schedule was posted a few days later, and I saw I had less than 30 hours.

I am very conflicted about all of this. I really enjoy working at Panera, which is why I’ve been hesitant to find an office job. I can actually see myself at Panera long term, perhaps even in management while I go to school for my Ph.D. in Psychology. I really love working there, even though it’s not an easy job by any means. I am exhausted mentally and physically some days after work, but I still love every minute of it. Some days I really dread going in, like today sitting here with a migraine I can’t shake and stomach problems, but once I go in all is well and I enjoy it, even despite physical ailments. There’s no guarantee that an office job would pay more than what I’m making at Panera, they are paying me rather decent wages. And I like that I’m really working for my paychecks. But, I’m not getting the hours I need. Not getting full time hours also means not getting full time benefits, and we really need health insurance.

And with all of their difficulty giving full time employees full time hours, they recently hired a new girl. I just don’t understand this! Why are they hiring anybody when they can’t even give the current, hard working, employees like me the hours we’re supposed to be getting? I’m not the only “full time” person getting part time hours. This just isn’t right! Yesterday I got sent home because, even though they were busy, they had enough bodies to do the work. Granted, I wasn’t feeling well, but I was still there ready to work despite it all, and got sent home.

I have a lot of customers telling me I’m such a hard worker, and that’s very uplifting for me. I have a connection with a lot of the customers, knowing what they like to order when they come in, and enjoying idle chit-chat if we’re not busy. I can’t really foresee what it would be like without those connections. Some of these customers really brighten my days, and I don’t know if I would really enjoy not seeing them, ie. not working there anymore.

I’m also supposed to be studying sandwiches to learn their ingredients, and then move on to salads, and soon getting my Panera Passport, but I haven’t been studying. I’ve been putting it off because I think, “Well, if I end up getting an office job, what’s the sense in knowing all of this? If I’m not going to be here to put that knowledge to use, why should I bother?” And yet I’m also procrastinating on finding an office job, because I really want to work at Panera, and perhaps make a career out of it.

And with that, I have to get dressed for work, in hopes I’ll be able to complete my shift. My head hurts, my body aches, my stomach is upset, but I am still going to get dressed, and drive down there, and hope I get to actually work.

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