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Friday

I got up and got some coffee while the computer booted, then messed around a bit on Black Desert on the Xbox while waiting for my free book & paid emails to arrive. The Xbox had been on all night while my character was using the training scarecrow for combat training. I was pleased with the progress, but still a bit nervous I wouldn’t make it to level 60 before that gift box expired.

I took care of my free book & paid emails as they came in, while also making sure Casey did some schoolwork. He didn’t have anything assigned from the teacher, but I had him doing stuff anyway.

I was in a bit of a funk all day because of my stupidity from the night before. To not know that Jackson County is directly to our north, or that De Forest was by Madison when I drive through there occasionally. I felt stupid and it put me in a mood of my own.

I’d noticed Brad was online on AFF early in the morning, and again a couple hours later. He’d befriended someone new on there, but I wasn’t too concerned about that. I thought the timing was odd, though. The first time he’d been on was probably around 6 or 6:30 in the morning. That’s not that strange if he popped on to check something before work. But the next time was around 9am, when I would have thought he’d have already been on his way down south for work. Then I noticed he was on again around 3 or so, which means he would have had a very short workday if he indeed went to work. Doubts began settling in my mind.

In the afternoon, I sent him a text apologizing for the confusion from the night before and reminding him about my being a bit geographically challenged with a bad memory from those meds I’d been on years ago. I was hoping to hear from him, especially since it was Friday and we usually see each other on Fridays.

The day went on, with Casey having free time for the rest of it and me continuing my grind to level 60 on Black Desert. I was not feeling well, though, and even ended up having a panic attack in the evening. As I was thinking about my anxiety, it occurred to me it’s around the time of the month I should be expecting a panic attack.

I was beating myself up still over the whole situation from the night before, and the lack of any kind of response from Brad after my repeated texts since. The doubts that had settled in my mind earlier were increasing, making me wonder if he was seeing someone else that night instead of me. Silly, I know, but I can’t help where my mind wanders when these sorts of things are bothering me.

It was getting late at night by this point and with still no word from Brad I set my character on Black Desert up for a full night of combat training. I was taking a gamble by putting in 10 hours worth to do, just hoping that when I got up the next morning I would still be connected.

I chatted with an old friend I met in 4th grade for a little while, then I finally got ready for bed.

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