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Decent day, rough night…

Got to sleep in until about 10:30 this morning, that was nice. Casey did get up a little bit before me, but I don’t think it was by much. I love how I can trust he’ll not get into mischief if I stay asleep a little while longer. I’m so fortunate to have one of those kids who I don’t have to worry about everything being child-proofed. I read some stuff earlier today, people’s experiences from their own childhood with themselves, and other people’s experiences with their kids, and it’s downright scary the things some kids get into. Casey is such a good kid. I’ve never child-proofed and he’s never gotten into anything dangerous.

But, this article makes me worry. The amount of medications I have to take to help me sleep, the fact that, without an alarm, I can sleep nearly 12 hours. The things that could happen in those few hours, when I’m still asleep but he’s awake. But, I can’t do myself in worry about those things, when for the past 5 1/2 years it’s been fine. I should try and be more cautious. I should try and cut back on my pills where I can. See if I can get halfway decent sleep on a little less. I actually have cut back some in the past several months, I’ll try and cut back some more. The insurance won’t pay for ambien, so I use OTC aids in addition to my regular prescriptions that I take for my PMDD and arthritis. It’s actually kinda nuts how much I have to take to be able to sleep. Not to mention that I start by taking my first set at 6:30, my 2nd at 8:30, and here it is nearly 11:30 and I’m still up. Maybe I should participate in one of those sleep studies. But, they’d just discover what I already know. My brain activity keeps me awake.

What I take is abilify (once every 3 days, small dose), sertraline (daily, not too high a dose), gabapentin (daily, kinda high dose), naproxen (daily), ranitidine (daily), potassium (daily), magnesium (dailiy), and melatonin (20mg in first dose, daily) at 6:30. Then at 8:30 I take 1 or 2 tylenol pm, another 20mg melatonin, and half of a generic unisom sleep tab. I used to take a full unisom but cut it back. If my allergies hadn’t been bugging me since September, I’d only take 1 tylenol pm, but have been steadily taking 2 again for some months. I’ll try cutting back a bit on the melatonin, I guess. Honestly, though. If you happen to look up which pills can cause drowsiness, the sertraline and gabapentin do to a small degree, it’s a wonder I’m not comatose. It’s kinda nuts. I need to cut back, but my insomnia is so bad without all that. I’ll try. Because you just never know what might happen while you’re asleep and unable to get back up until you’ve slept at least 6 hours.

Anyway… so, the morning went fairly well. I took my time with my coffee. Casey played on his tablet until about noon when it ran out of time. He wanted me to turn the TV on for him, but I refused. I told him he needed to do something else. He ended up laying on my bed for a long time, not sleeping but resting. Then I got him situated with the TV when I thought he’d had enough time without electronics.

While he was watching a movie, I took care of the mid-month bill pay. It went fairly well, and I was elated when I was done. We still have over $30,000 in credit card debt, but I paid off a few of the small balances, paid off my computer, and paid off Dave’s student loan. And in one month, will pay off Dave’s car. So, that feels great! Just need to take care of the rest of the credit cards. But, freeing up a few hundred bucks a month will help with that! It’s like, I’ve been able to see the light at the end of the long, dark tunnel for a while now, but it just got brighter. It feels pretty good to finally have Dave’s student loan paid off, after 12 years! He never should have had to take it out to begin with, except the people with the GI Bill refused to give him the amount of money per month that the school was requiring, and the school wouldn’t budge on the requirement. So, thousands of dollars in interest later… yeah. I was pissed when he took out the loan, but we would have struggled financially without it. I wasn’t doing well during that time and wasn’t able to really work. But, that’s paid off now, and it feels great!!

I got in the bath around 4 to shave my legs. I used to shave them every other day when I showered, but I can’t do that with my knee the way it is right now. So I take a bath about once a month just to shave. It’ll have to be more frequently now that it’s starting to get warmer. Tomorrow, for instance, I’ll be wearing my St. Patrick’s Day leggings, and will be showing a bit of ankle since they’re capri length. I didn’t want it to be hairy ankle.

After I had my bath, I got one ready for Casey. He played in the bath for a while, then he laid on my bed in his towel, covered by a blanket as well, for a while. We heard Dave get home around 5:30. I was starving by then. I actually was going to try and go out with Courtney and some of her friends this evening, it was to be dinner at 5:15 then A Wrinkle in Time at 6:50. Dave wasn’t home by 5 so there was no way. But, at least I was dressed, albeit in Sugar Skull leggings and a black tank top, by the time he got home. Got Casey dressed then we headed out to go have some dinner.

This is where the fun began. The original plan was to go to Culver’s. Dave even mentioned the free ice cream Casey would get if he ate his meal. I think it’s just something included with the price of the kids meal. Well, when we got to Culver’s it was packed. So, we told Casey we were going to go have chinese instead, since Dave said that’s what he was really in the mood for tonight. Casey wasn’t having it. We drove right past it instead. Dave asked Casey if he wanted to see if the mexican restaurant was busy, Casey said yes. We got there, they looked pretty busy too. So then we told Casey we could wait for mexican, have chinese, or go home. Casey said they were all bad choices. We were on our way home, when I quiety suggested the place by the bowling alley. They have a variety of things, but we’ve always gotten pizza or calzones there. Dave asked Casey if he wanted to eat there, Casey said yeah. So we stopped there. At first, dinner was going fine. But, Casey kept picking off bites of his chicken tenders (he wanted that instead of pizza, which I found odd) because he could see the chicken. The waitress dropped off the check with some candies, and Casey wanted that. We told him he couldn’t have it unless he ate at least one more piece of his chicken. He refused. He ended up pitching a fit.

So, I make head gestures and all sorts to suggest we drag him out of there before it got too bad, too embarrassing. He was already screaming and crying. Dave physically dragged him out while I paid. Casey refused to put his coat on, saying he wanted to put it on by the table. We told him that he needed to get his coat on there because they were already clearing our table for the next people who were going to sit there. He continued his fit. I finished paying, and Dave picked him up and carried him, kicking and screaming, out of the restaurant. Casey said he wanted his coat, and Dave helped him get into it, but didn’t help him zip it up. Casey usually zips up his own coat, but was refusing. So, Dave picked him up again and we headed to the car, about half a block away and across an intersection. All the while, Casey’s kicking and screaming, and yelling “put me down.” I was terrified someone would call the cops, thinking we were trying to kidnap him.

We finally get to the car, and Casey refuses to sit in his seat. Dave forces him into the seat and buckles him in, which took a few minutes. I put the car in drive, when then Casey unbuckles himself and stands up screaming that he wanted his coat zipped. Put the car back in park, Dave does the same thing, gets him sitting and buckles him in without zipping up his coat for him. Casey freaks out again. I hadn’t even bothered to put the car in drive this time. So, we’re both yelling at Casey to calm down and sit in his seat. Casey’s screaming that he wants his coat zipped up. Dave tells him he can’t zip his coat up until he’s buckled in. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK? I snap at Dave, asking how he’s going to get the coat zipped up if he’s buckled in, to just zip up the coat so we can go home.

At some point during dinner, before the chaos, we’d mentioned possibly going to Walmart after dinner. I think it was actually Casey’s idea, but we could have picked up a couple things. We hadn’t rejected the idea, but hadn’t promised it either. I mention it now, because it’s at this point that Casey, who has momentarily stopped screaming, says he wants to go to Walmart. We say no, we’re going home. I drive home, which Casey doesn’t realize I’m doing until I get on our street. He says again, he wanted to go to Walmart. We tell him that, because of his behavior, we’re going home. I believe it’s by this point, as well, that Dave had already told him the playroom was getting locked when we got home.

So, we pull in the driveway, and Casey freaks out again. We tell him to unbuckle and get out of the car, and he refuses, crying about wanting to go to Walmart. I had already pulled my key out of the ignition and was trying to grab my purse from the back seat. I wasn’t going to argue with Casey again, so I went back to the front seat, turn the key in the ignition just so I can lower the window, and I go inside. Casey freaked out and came inside, but was screaming about wanting to go to Walmart.

Then Casey realizes he doesn’t have the James Mini train he’d taken with him. I thought he’d left it at the restaurant, and I’m just like, oh well! So Casey’s freaking out, saying he wants to go back to the restaurant and get it, and I’m like, no, you have 2 more exactly like it, it’s gone now. Well, turns out Dave had actually picked it up off the table before we’d left, so he handed it to Casey. Kinda relieved, actually.

So, while Casey was getting his coat and shoes off, I locked the play room. I sat down at my desk, and Casey walks down the hall, sees it’s locked, and freaks out again. He started saying something to Dave, but I don’t know what, and Dave ignored him, locked himself in the bathroom, and got in the shower. Can’t say I blame him. Casey freaked out more about that though. He was in the kitchen or something crying, and then he came by me and said he wanted a hug. I said no, I wasn’t happy with his behavior and he needed to apologize before I gave him a hug. We argued about this for several minutes. Dave was getting out of the shower and asked if Casey was still going on about things, and I said yes. I don’t remember Dave’s words then, but whatever they were finally got Casey to snap out of it. He apologized to me, and I gave him a long hug. Then I told him quietly that he needed to apologize to daddy to, and he did.

Dave, at one point, said something about knowing it was going to be a rough night because when he got home I was still in my PJs and Casey was in a towel from a bath. I was not in PJs! I was wearing my Sugar Skull leggings. He always makes comments, when I’m wearing leggings, about me being in my PJs. Leggings are PANTS not PAJAMAS!!!

I headed back out to my car to roll up the window while the two of them chatted. The conversation must have gone well, because I heard Casey laughing. Then they headed downstairs to watch Gold Rush. I hopped in the shower, well, hobbled more like it. Then I sat down and watched an episode each of NCIS and NCIS: New Orleans. I’m only 1 episode behind on each of those now, finally. I’d be watching an episode of Criminal Minds right now, but wanted to post this update more.

While I was watching NCIS, Casey and Dave were done with Gold Rush and I had to help Casey get ready for bed. That was another fight. He didn’t freak out quite as bad, but he wanted me to hold his “peeper” for him while he peed and I said no, it was inappropriate for anyone other than himself to hold it while he peed. Not to mention, EWW! It was a few minutes of arguing about it before Dave yelled from his room something about Casey needing to stop, to which Casey’s response was to do the “dying cockroach,” which is where he flops down on his tummy, screaming and crying. I knew that was coming! I didn’t even have to yell at this point. My stern voice was enough, telling him to get up and go pee. He said he was itchy, so I gave him a benadryl, as well as his usual vitamins, and told him to take that, then pee while he was chewing, and that we’d put lotion on him as well to help with any itching. I’m not sure why he’d be itching unless some of my leg hair was still in the bath tub when I ran the fresh water for his bath. So we got all his stuff done and I got lotion on him, and he says he wants a “slumber party.” I’m like, no, we’re going to read. Had he not given us such a hard time tonight, I probably would have let him sleep by me again. Thankfully, he didn’t argue on that, so he’s asleep now in his bed. I finished my TV shows and now I think I’m going to try and sleep myself.

So, that’s it for now… it’s been… something!

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