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Bit of a better day…

So, since my last post, guess what happened??? Casey caught a stomach bug that’s going around his school! What fun! He was getting sick all night last night, but today has been better and even asking for, and keeping down, small amounts of food. I can’t really handle the whole puke thing, so I’m quite proud of myself for taking initiative to clean it all up. Poor kid didn’t make it to the toilet the first time around, it got all over the freaking bathroom. I cleaned it all up, even cleaned the freaking walls, making sure no germs or smell was left behind! He also got sick in his bed a tiny bit, from one time that he’d fallen asleep and woke up with it already coming out. So, I’ve also spent the last 24 hours washing load after load of laundry… cleaning all the “sick stuff” plus all the regular routine laundry that needed done. I am pretty exhausted after all this, but proud of myself for how I handled things! The only problem was, once I fell asleep last night I didn’t hear a thing, no sounds woke me up, and Casey got sick a few times in the night as well. Dave’s concerned that if this happened while he was out of town, I wouldn’t be able to properly look after Casey. This concerns me as well, so I’m going to try and cut back on some of my sleep aids and see if that helps. My insomnia is so out of control, I kinda take a ridiculous amount of sleep aids. Hopefully by cutting back a little, I’ll still be able to sleep.

The one thing about Casey catching this bug is that it’s sending my anxiety through the roof. There are two main things I’m deathly afraid of, dying and getting sick. It’s been nearly 17 years since I was last sick and I’d like to keep things the way they are! Casey getting this stomach bug has made me incredibly nervous about catching it myself. I’ve been pumping myself full of Xanax and Pepto Bismol as a preventative measure. Also I’ve been using my new Young Living essential oil of Stress Away, which also helps tremendously. My mom signed me up as a distributor for Young Living, so I’m learning more about that to start maybe one day selling it, we’ll see.

As for things between Dave and I, they’ve hit a plateau again of sorts. Things have become civil between us, but nothing has happened either positive or negative. I’m still looking forward to starting therapy, and hope that it helps me some. That’s part of why I’ve started posting here again, to have a log of the good, the bad, and the ugly, to be able to go to my therapist with the memories of things.

It still bugs the crap out of me that my memory is so poor after being treated for bipolar disorder when I should have been treated for PMDD instead. Similar conditions, but different chemicals that need treating. I needed some sort of hormone therapy, not mood stabilizers. Though, in saying that, I am technically on a mood stabilizer now, but it’s actually helping me. My regimen for treating my PMDD is anti-depressants for that part of it, Abilify once every 3 days and a birth control pill once every 3 days. If I take the Abilify and B/C any more or less often, I end up having more panic attacks than I can handle. Taking them precisely once every 3 days seems to be the trick.

Oh! Another thing I haven’t posted about. I met my birth family a few years ago now, and my mom ended up telling me that my aunt was diagnosed with a very aggressive and genetic form of breast cancer, and that me and my half sister would need to get our baseline mammograms at age 35 as a result, which is 10 years before my aunt’s diagnosis. I’d had orders to get it done before, but never went because, well, I don’t really know. I went to my new doctor here in Tomah, and let her know the situation, so she referred me to a breast specialist in La Crosse. I had my appointment last week, and she found a lump in my breast that she’s pretty sure is just a benign fatty growth. I have to go back in 3 months, at which time I’ll have a mammogram and breast ultrasound prior to meeting with the doctor. I’m trying to stay positive that it’s just a fatty growth and nothing to be concerned about. It’s incredibly nerve wrecking to know that there’s a higher chance of me developing breast cancer, but I’m trying my damnest not to let it get to me.

That’s about it for now, I’ll try and actually keep posting regular updates!!

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