I suppose it’s better than before, where I’d get weeks, months, even years behind!
I didn’t end up doing anything, really, on SL Tuesday night. Just kinda stood there, like, “what to do?” That happens too often. My problem is, there are things I’d like to do, but I’m held back by waiting for company.
Yesterday started out well enough. Got Casey up early enough for school. Didn’t really do much in the morning besides mess around on the computer, as always. When he got home from school, though, we had trouble. He threw a fit for over half an hour, maybe more like an hour, because he couldn’t get his boots off. I didn’t handle it well at all. We ended up “emptying each other’s buckets.” It was bad. I wanted him to nap, to feel better, so I snuggled with him on my bed for a while, but he wasn’t falling asleep. I suggested bringing his Thomas tent thing onto the bed for him to sleep under, to help block out some of the light from the window. He fell asleep and slept for FOUR HOURS!
I put a pork loin in the oven for dinner, and had it with sides that Dave cooked up over the weekend for no apparent reason. It was out of this world delicious!!
After I ate, Dave finally got home from work. He mentioned a text he received from my mom. I reminded him, that me and my family are a “forgive and move on” kind of family. We don’t like to hold grudges. We like to mend broken fences. He just doesn’t understand the concept.
Well, then he went on to say he’s not going to change. I suggested there should at least be compromise. He says that I refuse to compromise, and I say no it’s you who won’t compromise. He asks what I want to compromise on, and I fell silent. Several minutes later he asks if it’s the whole sleeping with other women thing. I said yes. He said he’s not going to stop doing what makes him happy and go back to a life that makes him miserable.
Why do I even care? I mean, honestly? I pushed the whole open marriage thing. It was what I wanted. It’s my hole I dug, I need to deal with it. Besides… it’s time to be more open and honest with you, since this is my journal and you are my support system in my life right now. For nearly 3 years I’ve had an online relationship with a guy in Scotland who I met on SL. I fell in love with someone I’ll probably never get to meet in person, who treats me the way any woman deserves to be treated, albeit in a virtual world. The very thing that drove the wedge between Dave and I, his confession of his love for Amanda a little over a year ago, is something I’m equally as “guilty” of. And Dave “knows” about Colin, but doesn’t really KNOW about Colin. I’ve always denied having an “internet boyfriend” as he calls it. I’m such a hypocrite, and I hate myself for it. So why would I want to go back to monogamy, when it’d mean giving up someone I love?
The whole thing just has me in a twist. I can’t wrap my brain around the situation any more than anyone else probably could. Until now, the only person who actually knew about my relationship with Colin, was Colin. It feels better getting that off my chest. I hope that, now that I’ve been honest with you, I can work towards being honest with Dave and resolving this whole mess. Dave hated that I wasn’t open and honest about my relationships with other men. He loves the details. I’ve withheld a LOT from him.
Anyway, enough about that for now. It makes my brain hurt to try and figure out how to get myself out of that mess. The hypocrisy, that is. Because I can’t just confess everything to Dave. I fear he’d make me give Colin up. I can’t do that. I just can’t.
The rest of the evening went fine. I got on Wiz for a bit last night and completed a dungeon I’d been meaning to complete for a long time. It was hard, but I did it.
Got to sleep much to late, though, and according to my sleep tracker only slept for 5 hours and 15 minutes.
Casey got up early for school today, Dave woke him up and he was happy about that. While he was at school, I got on Wiz and completed 2 more quests I had in other dungeons. The 2nd one was hard, took me more than 2 hours to complete. Casey got home in the middle of it. I didn’t want to flee and have to start over again, so I finished it up. He was on his tablet anyway.
Got my chores done around 2, so that was nice. Spent some time after that on SL with Colin. We found out that, yesterday, SL doubled premium members’ land allowance for mainland, so we were dealing with a situation of land we’d abandoned because we hadn’t sold it before buying a different piece of land elsewhere. We also bought 2 teacup size kittens lol.
Leftovers for dinner, but I roasted some fresh beans to go with it the pork. I ate when I was hungry. I don’t bother trying to wait for Dave anymore, he hasn’t been getting home “on time” for a while.
Dave got home about half an hour or so before we had to leave for parent-teacher conferences at Casey’s school. He sat on the toilet for a while then I heard the shower start 10 minutes before we had to leave. I asked if he’d be ready in time. He didn’t say anything about just staying home instead. So, we ended up getting there 2 or 3 minutes late, and the teacher had gone ahead to meet with the parents who were scheduled after us, because they were already there and waiting. Fair enough. When it was our turn, we were pleased again with how Casey has been progressing. Things to work on remain speech, of course, and getting him to stop skipping #15 when counting. Dude can count to 100 but always skips #15 and that’s vital. He also isn’t really interacting with his “friends” (as he calls them) as much as the teacher would like to see. I do worry, sometimes, that he’ll turn out just like me in that respect, INFJ-T to the core. I want him to be more outgoing than I am, more sociable. So I’ll work on that with him. Besides his speech development, that’s about it.
Got home, Dave ate dinner while I chatted to my mom about how the meeting went. By the time I got off the phone, it was time to get Casey ready for bed. I told him I was feeling snuggly tonight, and he said he was, too. So, we laid in my bed to snuggle, obviously having a “slumber party” tonight. I kept falling asleep and then shaking myself awake. Hair was still in a messy bun, glasses still on. My own snoring was what led to shaking myself awake lol. So I got up, got the dishes in the dishwasher so I could run it, and sat down for this. Now I’m feeling *almost* ready for bed, but not quite. Wish I’d have just shut everything down before trying to tuck Casey in! Oh well. It’s still an earlier night than usual if I get to bed soon.
That’s it for now, folks!