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Alright, so Dave and I have been having problems on and off for, well, most of our marriage. I even left him for a week, a little over a year ago. Actually, it was roughly two months before Casey was conceived.

It’s the way he talks to me… either that or the way it comes across to me. I feel like he’s always talking down to me, belittling me. I ask him nicely to stop. I ask hi jokingly to stop. I throw hints at him to stop. I even go so far as to say “yes master” when he says certain things. I feel like he thinks I’m his fucking maid.

I’m a housewife. Homemaker. Stay at home mom. That is my life now and for the foreseeable future. I think it is only fair, since his job is physically demanding, that I take care of most of the cooking and cleaning. This should get him off my back! But no, it doesn’t. It’s like nothing I do is ever good enough.

Or is he just teasing me? I haven’t the slightest idea. I don’t know how to tell. He’s the kind of guy who wants to make everyone believe the most preposterous things. One day, he went down to Gov’s (local restaurant) to meet his brother, who was driving from his home a couple hours away. Dave called me and told me his brother died in a wreck on his way. I FREAKED out, asked if he was serious, and he still said he was fucking serious. He wasn’t. His brother was sitting RIGHT THERE, calling him an ass for doing that to me. He was rather touched that I cried when I thought he was DEAD! I went OFF on Dave and he felt so bad he walked home from the restaurant (not even a mile I don’t think) to console me.

This is the kind of shit I have to put up with. Okay, so it’s not always as dramatic as people dying. But he fibs, as a way of joking around. And it’s HORRIBLE! There are some things I automatically don’t believe… then there’s others I have to ask “are you serious?” I don’t know why I even bother asking, because he will always tell me he’s serious even if he’s not.

I can’t tell you how many times in the last year I have said to him “I hate it when you do that” and he does it more. When he knows something bothers me, he increases in frequency and duration. He likes to get me (and others, like his mom) all hot and bothered. He doesn’t like the reaction he gets, but he still likes to get the reaction.

I ask, I beg and plead, I do all but get on my hands and knees praying for him to stop doing shit like that, but he doesn’t ever stop. With me or anyone else.

He snaps at me a lot lately… I know I snap at him, too, though usually only in response to his asinine behavior.

He talks down to me A LOT. And recently he’s taken to snapping at me around Casey. I keep telling him I won’t tolerate it… but he doesn’t stop. In February I actually went and stayed with my parents for almost 2 weeks to get away from him, take some time to think things through. I thought maybe when I got back he’d have seen the light and be a changed man. Wishful thinking. I begin to wonder if he will ever change.

He didn’t used to be like this. We didn’t used to have THIS MANY problems. It all started after he got back from his last deployment. I told him one night, not long ago, that the Army fucked him up and he needs help. He’s in denial. He refuses to get help, blaming our financial woes, that we can’t afford it.

Well, guess what, WE HAVE NO MORE FINANCIAL WOES! So now his excuse will be that if he’s seeking counseling it’ll ruin his chances at getting back on active duty. He’d be right, too. So, once he gets settled in his full time Army job, whether it’s Active Reserves or Active Duty, I’m gonna have to force him to stick to his word he gave me when I agreed to come home back in October of 2011. He promised he’d get help, for himself as well as for our marriage. He’s gone back on his word thus far, but once he’s gotten his career in order, it’s on.

I know I probably oughtta seek counseling myself. I’m going to look into counseling at the church I wish I actually went to. I tell ya, Sunday mornings are rough for me. By the time I get up and at ’em, it’s past time to leave the house to get there. Or, I dwell on my thougts of “I wish I could take Casey” or “I wonder if he’d care if I took Casey.” All thoughts lead to time slipping away… and then it’s too late to go.

So, this whole “no more financial woes” business… lemme post separately on that…

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