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Friday

Got up fairly early and got my latte. The computer was still working on updates from the night before, so I let it be. I heard from Daniel first thing, which was odd. He was asking about Casey and Michael still having play dates. I said of course they could.

Then he started asking about seeing me again… even though he has a girlfriend. I told him that I still love him and what I want out of this, and he tried to say that it won’t happen until Dave and I are divorced. He’s full of nothing but excuses, I swear. Does he have any idea how I feel, after trying to get a relationship out of him for 9 months, and yet he gets into a relationship with someone else after less than 1 month?

I told him I had my injection in the morning, but that we could hang out when I got home, like friends. But that it’d be at my house, since Dave was home with an ear infection, and it’d be PG.

Went with Casey to Onalaska for my injection. It went well. It was nice, since I was wearing shorts, he was able to see that I wouldn’t need to remove my brace altogether for him to get to the injection, just undo the one flap. So it was easier on me than it normally would have been. But, I should have taken off that flip flop. It would have made it easier to hold my knee comfortably in position.

Headed back to Tomah after the appointment. When we were about halfway home, I started having a panic attack. I didn’t have anything to drink to take some xanax, so I just worked on deep breathing to calm down. Then, as we neared home, Casey reminded me we needed glue at Walmart. I wasn’t up for going, but didn’t want to disappoint him.

After stopping by the bathroom at Walmart, since the coffee was going straight to my bladder, we started heading toward the entrance to loop around and get the glue. I didn’t see him at first, but Dave was there. I heard him call Casey. Casey was excited to run into him out and about. Dave said his ear’s basically about swollen shut. They changed his antibiotic, but that’s it. He looked better than he had first thing in the morning anyway. We got the glue and headed back home.

Meanwhile, I’d been chatting with Daniel all morning. He was trying to get me to say yes to sex, and I kept saying no. I ended up turning it into a sort of game, to see whose determination would win out. I kept asking if he was going to come over and hang out, and he kept trying to get me to say yes to it being X-rated.

While that was going on, I made Casey some homemade mac & cheese for lunch. The noodles were from Dave’s Aunt Debbie, they were shaped like Lightning McQueen from Cars. He’d picked out some white queso Velveeta a day or two before for it. I looked up how to see what I’d need to mix with the Velveeta for some mac & cheese. As expected, just milk and butter. It turned out really good, and Casey really liked it.

Daniel finally agreed to come by. We talked like normal people for a while. He interacted with Casey a bit, and played with Max. Then Casey skipped off and Daniel kissed me. And I came undone inside, but managed to hold myself together on the outside. I said I needed to sit down, which was true since my knee was sore, and made my way to my bedroom. Daniel and Casey followed.

We chatted some more, but eventually Casey went back downstairs to watch stuff on the Roku again.

Daniel came over by my chair and was kissing me and groping me and I couldn’t help myself. It was over an hour of the most intense, passionate sex we’d had yet. I came so hard it felt like my chest was going to cave in, or explode. I wasn’t sure which. He asked where I wanted him to cum, and I said inside me, but he mistook that for me wanting to get pregnant again. I said no, I just like to feel the throbbing is all. I didn’t care if it was there, or elsewhere, I just wanted to feel it. I ended up not getting what I wanted, in that respect.

My bedding was a complete mess. He helped by taking it all off the bed for me, and then we spent some time chatting again while we composed ourselves. After a bit, we made our way out to his car, stopping by the washer so I could start the bedding first. He had some Cub Scout stuff he wanted to show me. He’d picked it up because he’s going through the leadership training to be my co-leader. I was going to ask the other Amber if she could, but he basically went over my head to volunteer before I had the chance. I suppose I could handle it. Anyway, he showed me the stuff and then he said he needed to go work for a few hours. We kissed goodbye and he was off.

When I got back inside, I was going through stuff on my phone and saw he’d deleted the entire conversation between he and I from Facebook. I shouldn’t have unlocked my phone for him. I’d done it at first when he wanted to take some pictures. He was trying to access the camera from the lock screen and couldn’t. I was out of it and didn’t see the little icon to do it myself, so I unlocked the whole phone. He’d seen text messages come in and all sorts. I’m not sure if that was when he’d deleted them, or if it was after when I’d had my phone sitting, unlocked, at my desk. He’d grabbed it and gone into the Facebook app and showed me the nearby friends thing I already knew about. Either way, the entire conversation was gone.

I’m pretty sure I know why he did it, too. Years ago, after a girl had told him she loved him, he’d basically done what he’s done with me. Only she ended up accusing him of rape. The background check I ran on him can verify that the charge is there but had been dropped. He said that their text message history is what saved him from going to prison because in it, she’d asked him to come over for consentual sex. And in our Facebook message history for Friday, I said no. It didn’t matter that, after he kissed me, I was the one taking off my clothes, locking my bedroom door, and pulling him on top of me. He was scared I was going to do the same thing to him that someone else had tried to do. Only this time there would be no evidence of it being consentual. I can’t really blame him, but I’m still angry about it.

Just after finding out the conversation had been deleted, Dave was asking about getting some sloppy seconds. It’s a kink of his, I guess you could say. I must have been out of my mind, because I said yes and let him get some. We’ve been separated for 2 1/2 years, wtf were either of us thinking? It felt good, but probably because my body was still humming from the ecstasy that was Daniel. Otherwise there’s really no way to compare the two sexually. Daniel’s just the best I’ve ever had, probably the best I ever will have.

By the time he was gone, my computer was finally done with the massive update. I took care of my free book and paid emails before getting on ArcheAge to get caught up on stuff there. I was sure to stay on top of the laundry situation, because it was late enough in the day already by the time I got it started.

Got Casey tucked into bed, but he’d taken his sweet time getting ready so it was pretty late by that time. I was still having trouble breathing after the afternoon foray, but managed to read a chapter of Diary of a Surfer Villager before tucking him in.

I put the dishes from the sink into the dishwasher and washed what couldn’t go in there. Then I went downstairs to check on the laundry and scooped the litter box while I was down there. After that I took a much needed shower. It was a struggle, because my knee was incredibly sore after the day’s activities.

I’d been chatting a bit with Brandon, telling him all about the afternoon with Daniel. I gave him a recap of the “relationship” as well, since he was a new friend and knew nothing of it. I needed to talk to someone about what had happened, and I didn’t want to bother Cyn with it since she was going through enough of her own stuff. I was going back and forth between contented kitten and self-loathing.

Got back to ArcheAge after my shower and did some more of my daily stuff while talking to Cyn. She’d had a rough day and was still pretty upset about it. I imagine she’s probably always pretty upset, with her health situation, but just keeps it bottled up. She ended up going to bed before me, since I was still working on laundry, so Brandon and I planned to work on our Hiram dailies. Neither of us had turned them in from a day or two before, so we didn’t have a whole lot to do. I quickly got the bed put back together and ready for me to sleep in it, then we did the dailies. We kept grinding a bit after, and then went to bed.

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