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Wednesday

I got up and got my coffee while the computer booted, then got dressed while also getting Casey up, dressed, and fed. I dropped him off at the usual time, then headed back home.

I took care of my free book & paid emails as they arrived, then got on Astellia. I didn’t really do anything on there, besides list a few things in the Auction House and stand around.

In looking at how I had some stuff set up in my room, I wasn’t very happy with one area. I had a 3 tier shelving unit by my closet, with stuff like my pants and PJ pants in storage cubes. On the top tier were some tubs with miscellaneous stuff inside them. That’s all fine, but I had stuff on top of the tubs that I would have to move to get to the stuff inside the tubs. I wanted something that would allow me access to what was in those tubs. Or swap the tubs out for drawers. Something. I looked online at what options I had, thinking that if I got a 4-tier shelving unit or a 6-cube organizer it would be fine. I couldn’t really find anything online, though. Not in my price range, anyway.

I got an email from Walmart that my new walking stick was ready to be picked up, so I went and got that. I looked at the storage & organization stuff, but there wasn’t anything so I picked up my walking stick and headed back home. I was going to try and make do with something we had at the house already, but I was failing.

It was time to go pick Casey up from school anyway, so I headed out. After I had collected him we headed to Walmart. I got a 6-cube storage organizer and we headed back home to assemble it.

It definitely looks a lot nicer in my room, having my storage cubes in the organizer. I’m still not happy with how things are on the top of it, but I will figure something out.

Casey was having an electronics-free day since it was Wednesday, and I pretty much gave myself the same. I was still parked on Astellia, but I wasn’t even looking at anything on my computer. Casey asked Dave to do something with him, and Dave talked down to him in response, telling him that he had homework “But maybe your mother can take a break from her electronics and do something with you.” First of all, I was getting my dinner. Second of all, I wasn’t even doing anything on my electronics, to begin with.

I had Casey get ready for bed early, and we spent extra time reading a Minecraft Choose Your Adventure book until it was time to tuck him in. While I was reading, I got a text from Brad.

I was hoping that Brad would invite me over, but he said he was tired. My curiosity got the best of me, and I checked AdultFriendFinder yet again. I’d been checking it often, sometimes more than once a day, checking to make sure his profile was still turned off. He’d turned his profile back on some time that day. And had posted an update that he was in Madison for the week, which would have been a week and a half ago when he was there for training. My heart sank.

We haven’t had a talk about remaining exclusive, but it had seemed like neither of us was really making an effort on finding anyone else to play with either. We maintained the understanding that if either of us slept around, we would use condoms with each other. I haven’t been interested in sleeping around regardless, and I hoped he felt the same. He’d once whispered to me that I’m the only one he shares himself with. Ok, that’s all fine and dandy, but if you’re still *looking* to share yourself with others it doesn’t really matter what you say in the heat of the moment.

I’m going to have to have some sort of chat with him. About my feelings, and what I want out of things. I need to tell him, out loud so he can hear me, that I love him. I know things aren’t perfect with either of our lives or with this sort of relationship we have, but I’ve been quite happy with how it’s been and that I want us to have some sort of clear definition of what “simple” is and what it means to each of us.

I went to bed feeling melancholy. Not quite depressed and on the verge of tears, but pretty upset about his profile being back on. I hadn’t gotten to the point of overthinking anything with Brad up to this point, but this had me doing it. I was desperate to hold him, to have that heart to heart talk, to love him. But, as I drifted off to sleep, the invitation never came.

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