How could I possibly remember my birth? All I know is I was born on April 28, 1981 at 10:40 p.m. at the Theda Clark Regional Medical Center in Neenah, Wisconsin. My “mother” was an 18 year old mother of one and chose not to keep me. I was adopted on June 18, 1981 by the OKray family of Merrill, Wisconsin. They have a biological son about 3 years older than me, and wanted a daughter so they chose me.
I have one memory from my first few years. My parents were adding a room to our house. I was laying outside in a white basket wrapped in a blanket while they worked. I had to have been no older than two years old at the time.
There are pictures of my brother holding me and feeding me when I was just a baby. There are all kinds of pictures from my childhood, but I don’t remember much of it at all.
One memory I have carried with me all these years comes from when I was around five. I had done something wrong and my parents took away my favorite toy. It was a brown bunny with a white stomach. It was tattered from being carried around with me everywhere.
As I got a little older, I started developing problems, I had temper tantrums for absolutely no reason that I can recall. I remember it starting around five years old. I remember everything starting with that bunny being taken away.
My parents took me to a child psychologist at some point, and he instructed them to put me in “time outs” when I had temper tantrums. They would do that, and I would just scream louder, because all I really wanted was love. I wasn’t doing it to seek out attention, I didn’t feel love. I was hurt and needed them to hold me.
The only time I remember being happy was when I was spending time with my best friend, Michelle. Her grandparents lived next door to me and she spent a lot of time there, nearly every day, even on weekends. We were inseparable.
I had another friend when I was in Wisconsin, that I can remember. From what my mom had told me, we were also pretty much inseparable. She always teased me about being “in love” with him. He was, sort of, my “first crush.” However, Josh and I haven’t spoken since I was about eight.
We moved to Georgia when I was 7. I felt like I had lost everything. Maybe I did…