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What a way for me to decide to post a new entry!

So, let me tell you about Mandie. We found her on a web site we belong to, and I felt an instant attraction to her, which I found strange since she’s not really the type of girl I’m usually attracted to…

We were starting out just as friends, and while talking one day she told me not to ask a certain person about her. Well, c’mon, if someone tells you not to do something, the first thing you do is just that, right? Well, for me it is anyway…

So, I asked the person about her, and was told all these things I probably really didn’t want to know. From the person themselves, that she was a drama queen and that she was a completely different person in real life than online/text. I discovered this to be true almost immediately. I was also told that this person gets attached very quickly and makes drastic efforts to ensure the attachment won’t break. And that, if it does, she starts spreading filthy rumors around about the person. So, what does this tell me, right away? Some sort of multiple personality issue, someone who’s going to do nothing but bring drama into my life, and if I ever try to part ways it’ll be nasty and anyone that knows both her and I will hear horrible things about me. This would logically make me avoid an attachment, right?

Wrong. The conversation where I heard all these things about her was a phone call while I was in the middle of an IM conversation with her. I go back to the computer after the call, and end up having a really intelligent conversation with her, and I decide that it’s worth a shot and I’ll just for my own opinions of her.

So, we start spending time together, the romantic interest rises, and the drama begins. I was misunderstanding a lot of things she said, and became very defensive as a result. That alone created a lot of issues, not just with her but in my marriage as well. I ended up in tears many a time, until Dave said he’d had enough of the drama, and I didn’t hesitate to agree. So, I broke things off, in a dramatic incident that included blocking her from being able to contact me in any way short of emails, and she didn’t have my address so that wasn’t a concern.

A few weeks passed, a few stressful weeks for myself, and then I was messaged about a Passion Party in town with upwards of 50 guests. It was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up, especially since I’ve been unable to get my name out around town up to this point, due to my social phobias. The day after I got the message, I received another from the hostess stating that her friend had already booked a party with someone else in town who owns a lingerie store. I knew that could only be one person, not because I really knew whether or not there were any other lingerie stores in town, but just gut instinct. She then asked me if I’d be willing to do the party along with this other girl. I said yes, and said that if Mandie was okay with me contacting her, I would.

So, contact ended up being re-established, and we talked over dinner about how to work on some of our issues.

I had learned a lot about myself during the first phase of our relationship. For one, I have a tendency to misunderstand things and blow things way out of proportion. Also, I am paranoid that I’m going to lose the people that are close to me, which causes me to inadvertently and unintentionally alienate those people from me. It is almost impossible for me to just relax and have a good time, I am under so much stress that I rarely smile, and I’m sure the list could go on from there.

So, we talked about things, and decided to give it another shot.

That was a couple weeks ago, and things have been smooth sailing so far. Until tonight. There were about four of us girls going out to a haunted house and for drinks after, and one of them is her new bff that appeared out of nowhere. And it’s clear to me, despite her expressing continued romantic interest in me, that there is a lot of chemistry between them. And it bothers me that she invited me to go out as part of this group with this other girl there. Yes, I’m jealous. But, if she really wants to pursue a romantic relationship with me, then why allow another woman to be present?

So, I’m pretty bummed tonight, although I did allow myself to have a good time while we were out. It’s just that, now that I’m home, I have time to reflect on things. I could have avoided all this if I had just listened to what I’d heard about her and allowed that to make my decision. But I decided I didn’t care what other people had to say. And I already got hurt by this girl once, and it seems clear it’s about to happen again. Yet, I don’t want to detach myself from her. Therefore, I just don’t know what to do…

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