Now, I’ve talked about these Wholeness Videos before, so this shouldn’t be anything new. 😉 Actually, this will be something TOTALLY new!
Tonight’s videos were focused on “Soul/Spirit Hurts.” Like, the things deep down inside that cause that terrible pain that just won’t go away. Like, for instance… one thing that happened to me… my rape. It caused a Soul/Spirit Hurt.
So in one of the videos at the very beginning they asked us to close our eyes and think of a happy memory. Not to THINK of it but to let God put it in our minds. And you thought this would be easy for ME? LOL! So I was sitting there and time’s a wastin and suddenly I see a picture… a picture I’ve seen before and had to have my parents explain to me…
My first memory, EVER.
I was an infant. My parents were building an addition to the house, in Merrill of course. The scene is simply me laying in a basket of some sort, covered up by a blanket.
Then right as soon as this pops into my head they tell us to picture Jesus in this memory.
I see Him. He’s crouched down by my basket, smiling at me. Oh His smile is so Glorious!
I start to cry. Tears of joy.
Then they ask us to think of a sad memory. Well that’s not so difficult… it’s only been on my mind ALL MONTH LONG! My rape.
I am laying there on my back in the living room of my parents’ house. He is on top of me. I see all the details, plain as day.
I start to cry. Tears of sadness.
Then they tell us to picture Jesus in the memory. I see Him… kneeling down on my right side… hand extended out towards me, and I know, I just know, He’s trying to pull me away.
I broke down. He was there… He was trying to pull me away!
Then they move on and I’m still sitting there crying and they’re blabbering on about stuff and I’m like “What? That’s it?”
So I listen… patiently waiting for what’s to come.
Things brought tears to my eyes on and off through the next couple hours of video watching.
Then it was time…
Group ministry time begins. We are to take certain steps and do certain things, and if we need any help the Wholeness Team is in the back and they’ll pray with us.
Well… I’ve got my sad memory… no problem there. I can picture Jesus there, no problem there. But every time I start to try to move on to the next step, they start blabbering on about something on the video. It distracts me. So for about 20 minutes I sat there, just crying… this memory coming and going before my eyes.
We were supposed to receive healing during this session. But where was mine?
Stephanie, a girl from my small group, came to get Sarah. She asked if I needed additional prayer. I nodded. She sat down with me. I explained my problem to her. So we started from scratch. Then Diane came over. Diane was one of the ladies from the Wholeness Team that was praying with me when I was going through Wholeness Ministry SEVERAL months ago. We explained the situation to her, tears streaming down my face, and she said Charlene needed to be here. Charlene is like the head of the Wholeness Ministry and she was one of the other ladies that prayed with me during my Wholeness Ministry. We explained the situation to her, tears streaming down my face.
Now… I don’t know if I ever mentioned this before… so I’m going to mention it now. When I was going through Wholeness Ministry… they tried to get me to do exactly this… go back to a time when I felt extreme pain and feel that pain again and CRY. They wanted me to CRY. They wanted an emotional breakthrough. But I wasn’t “letting them in.” I was holding back. I don’t know why. I just… refused to cry. So then they went on to the Demonic Oppression stuff and I was like “Woah you’re gonna Exorcise me?” and then that didn’t work so they stopped the program with me.
So here we are… I’m crying. No problem there. I’ve broken down, I’ve had my emotional breakthrough. No hinderances. They sat there, all three of them, praying with me, guiding me through the process, step by step. They asked me at times what I felt, saw, heard, etc. I told them everything. Then they’d tell me from there what to do or say. I followed their every instruction.
At this one point… I started feeling like something was being pulled from me… from my heart. I told them. They told me to ask the Lord what was being pulled from me. All I saw was the color red. Charlene said red stood for anger. All the anger I held towards Kevin for doing this to me was being pulled from me as I sat there. They told me to tell them when it went away. Well, I suddenly saw blue, my favorite color. I told them. I told them I felt peaceful.
At another point they were having me go back and try to see if I felt pain when I looked in on the memory. I saw my 14 year old self lying there and then I saw me, my 23 year old self looking in with Jesus by my side. They asked me what I felt when I looked back on the memory. I told them I didn’t know… it was the truth. I mean, I just felt so peaceful. So they had me focus on the 14 year old part of me. I saw green. Charlene said green means healing. They told me to ask the Lord to put me back together. I did. Then they asked me again how I felt. I told them… I felt peaceful.
God healed me tonight, of all my pain and misery related to that tragic event. I feel SO HAPPY! I don’t feel depressed anymore!
We all prayed. Thanked the Lord, Praised the Lord. They asked me how I felt and all I could do was smile, HUGELY! They said I was glowing!
Then when I stood up, I felt a little tipsy! LOL! Charlene made a comment about me getting drunk off of God. Sure felt like it! WOW!
We had small group afterwards so I shared with everyone that was there about what happened and they were all so happy for me.
It is TRULY AMAZING what God can do for you!