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Getting up to date… again…

Monday, December 14, 2020

I “woke up” next to Evan. It was odd, but not necessarily in a bad way. I didn’t actually get much sleep, though, because he was snoring a lot. And it wasn’t like Brad’s cute snores that I could easily doze off to.

When Casey got dropped off, he got all shy about some strange guy in my apartment. Not a surprise. I introduced them, and we headed to the school for dropoff. Evan and I headed back to my place, where we just kinda hung out. I still did my usual morning stuff, like going through the free book & paid emails.

Evan kept asking me if we were together. It was getting kinda annoying. I tried not to let it get to me.

I dropped Evan back off at his camper in the early afternoon, then went and got some gas and picked up Max’s ashes. I headed back home for a bit to chill before I had to go pick Casey up from school.

After picking Casey up, we settled back in at home and got on Lego Worlds together for a bit. We spent the rest of the evening doing our usual thing.

And at nighttime, it got interesting.

I hopped on AFF just to browse and saw that Brad was on. Not a huge surprise, yet it still makes me wonder about this new person he’s supposedly dating. It got interesting when I noticed that he viewed my profile. Twice. I ended up texting him, just saying I don’t understand the situation. He texted back and we got into a conversation.

It turns out, well basically he wasn’t actually trying to cut things off with me. He just was letting me know he was seeing someone else as well. As was always said was ok. And I flipped out for no good reason.

Throughout the conversation with Brad, I was also trying to talk to Evan. I was trying to explain some things to him, like that I wasn’t sure how I felt about him still being on all these dating apps because of my past two “relationships” falling apart over “other people.” But the conversation morphed when Brad and I agreed to continue being FWB, a clear label this time. I tried explaining the polyamory thing to Evan, and he cut me off. Fair enough.

I don’t think I would have been happy in a relationship with Evan. He was being super clingy. Talk about a taste of my own medicine! Learned a lesson there. And also, he lives in a camper, which would have been fine but it was also kinda dirty. And in saying that, I probably wouldn’t have been happy in an actual “relationship” with Brad because his house was always pretty dirty as well. But I do still love Brad and probably always will. So, if I’m going to give this polyamory thing another shot, I guess Brad will be secondary? Or if he ever became primary he’d hafta literally clean up his act.

Tuesday, December 15, 2020

Aside from a trip to Walmart and McD’s, I spent the day at home just messing around on my devices. Casey stayed with me again and we spent the evening doing our own thing.

Brad texted me at night asking if I wanted dick, lol. I responded asking if he wanted pussy, and then told him yes I do want dick. He came over. We hung out for a while, chatting. He likes what I did with the living room. I gave him the candles that I’d gotten him a few months back. We’d talked about them and he said he’d pay me back. One of them had broken, which I hadn’t realized because I hadn’t actually opened them. It didn’t smell the best anyway, which was a surprise because it’d gotten rave reviews. The other was intact and smelled good.

We headed to bed, and much to my surprise he spent the night. So things really are right back where they were left off. He just has someone else in his life. And I’m working on having someone else in mine.

Oddly enough, I don’t feel jealous of this other woman in his life. Like, it’s out in the open, and it’s ok.

Wednesday, December 16, 2020

It was nice waking up next to Brad again, like old times. Though, I didn’t get much sleep because he hogged the bed. I can’t win!

I had a video therapy appointment with Lisa at 9. I filled her in on everything that had been going on, and what I’d decided when it came to Brad and trying out the poly lifestyle again. She was proud of how well I got through things on my own since a lot had gone on since my last appointment with her. Things are definitely winding down with her, which makes me nervous. I expect to wrap it up within a few months after the finalization of the divorce.

I heard from James early on in the day. I told him about resuming things with Brad, and he was ok with the situation. I think he was pleased that I was considering him in this whole thing.

One of the things I told him was that I’m looking for another person to be FWB with, that even if I fall for the guy things would remain labeled as FWB. I feel like, unless the right person comes along, that is what would be best for me at this time, since I’m kinda trying to find myself again when it comes to what I want with relationships.

James wanted to come over, saying it didn’t bother him that Brad had spent the night as long as I showered and was clean. So, he came over for “lunch.” Surprisingly, I didn’t feel like a dirty whore afterward.

I got started on laundry and got that finished before picking Casey up from school.

I had to work at 8, so Dave picked Casey up just before 4.

Work went well. I worked with Erica and she likes to keep busy. She asked if I wanted to do floors or bathrooms. I felt bad about doing floors again since I’d done floors the last few times I closed, but she said she didn’t care. She let me know it was her last shift at our store, which was a surprise because I thought she was our new Assistant Store Leader. She told me our store is kinda a “stepping stone” store, where ASLs go to get into the swing of things before transferring to another store. It kinda sucks, because I like working with her on the rare occasion that we’re scheduled together.

After work, I headed home and wound down with some Lego Worlds before going to bed.

Thursday, December 17, 2020

Thursday was much calmer than the previous days of this week. I spent the day messing around with some games, including some Lego Worlds with Casey after school, then we had Cub Scouts at 6. It was the monthly pack meeting, and we sang some Christmas Carols after awards were passed out. Casey got to bring home his Pinewood Derby car to get it ready for next month. Hopefully, Dave doesn’t flake out this time.

We headed home after the Pack Meeting and Casey got ready for bed. Once he was tucked in, I fiddled around with a few different games before heading to bed myself.

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