I know I have a tendency to be paranoid for no reason… but I have the feeling that, this time, my paranoia isn’t exactly too uncalled for.
A few weeks ago (some time in March) I was on my way to work stuck behind school buses, and I could tell I was going to be late. So, I called my boss’s cell phone number and reached her. She said not to worry, she was also stuck in traffic. She maybe got there one or two minutes before I finally did. This was on or around March 7th.
A few days later (maybe the 9th?), I was not even 5 minutes late, I apologized and rushed to my desk and nothing was mentioned.
A week(ish) later, on March 13th, I had to leave work early because of a panic attack. I had a feeling it was a panic attack and tried taking my emergency anxiety medication, waited for about an hour, and then told my boss (when she finally arrived after her family emergency) that I had to go home. With me, panic attacks cause nausea and sometimes even dry heaving. Not fun at all! The hospital just happens to be on my way home, and before I even got close to that part of town I was feeling so sick I detoured to the emergency room. I was there for 2 hours and had only gotten my vitals. I hadn’t even been taken back. They said there was a horrible stomach virus going around and it seemed that might be what I had. After I was there about 45 minutes to an hour, a lady walked in with her little girl. Moments later, their father followed. None other than Kenny Francis, Kasey Kahne’s crew chief! I couldn’t help but think of the horrible timing of running into someone like that around town… me feeling and looking so sick. However, the hour long conversation I had with him and his wife (Rebecca) helped calm my nerves. Talking always calms me down, hence the reason I have always tried to call someone during a panic attack, because talking about anything will calm me down. Kenny and Rebecca’s daughter, Emma, had a boo-boo opened on her chin and she needed stitches. Aww. She was a precious little thing, and Kenny and Rebecca were very nice. When Kenny had to leave to go to work, he told me it was nice to meet me and that he hoped I felt better soon.
Anyway, so about half an hour after he left for work, I announced (well, just told Rebecca and the triage nurse) that I felt better, it must have just been a panic attack as I thought. I had to sign some waiver to leave, but they said that if my symptoms came back I could go back. The symptoms never came back (that day).
Two days later, Thursday the 15th, I ended up really sick with a cold Dave was so kind to give me. I tried so hard to stay at work, but the physical exhaustion made it impossible to keep doing my job. So, I left early, sadly. I couldn’t even get out of bed the next day, much less go into work.
Well, after the incident on the 13th, I started feeling I wasn’t being treated well, at all. My boss and several co-workers were pouring out negative energy in my direction, and I cried many times over it.
Wednesday, March 28th, I was sick again, and left work early. On my way out the door, my boss informed me that my attendance had become an issue and it would need to improve for me to keep my job there. As soon as I left, I called the temp agency that placed me there (the company hasn’t offered me a permanent position yet). I told them how I’d been treated those two weeks and explained in extreme detail every occurrence. After they called and spoke with Kristi (my boss) and found out if I was even wanted back there, they assured me I was still working, but I was placed on a 90 day probation. If I was going to be even one minute late, no point in showing up for work because I’d already have lost my job.
Since then, I’ve been feeling even more negative energy pouring from everyone. Well, not everyone, but several of the other girls. A few people won’t even speak to me. A friend from work had a birthday about a week or go and almost everyone in the office went to the party, but I wasn’t even invited. They wouldn’t even tell me where they were going, and it turned out they went to the Rusty Rudder, which I didn’t find out until last night. That’s becoming my favorite “hangout” and the only reason I found out they had been there that night was because I found out one of the bartender’s names, and he so happened to have created a shot named “Sex with Nate” and all the girls were talking the day after the party about having “Sex with Nate.”
Anyway… I love my job, enjoy the work, the pay is great, but I’m so frustrated about all of this. Empathy and paranoia don’t go well together, I tell ya.
I know I’m not “done there” so I’m not going to quit… I can sense God has a great purpose for me there, and I’m going to stick it out until I’ve fulfilled my purpose. Maybe by the time that happens (sooner or later, either way) things will have improved to the point of minimal frustration.
I could go on, but I have a migraine and need to get to bed. It’s almost 10:30 and I have to get up by 6 tomorrow to get to work on time! I try to get there about 15 to 30 minutes early now, even though there are strict rules about only working the designated hours. No rule says we can’t hang out half an hour or more before we start working though!
Well, guess that’s about it… like I said, I could go on… but that’s really all there is to say. Nevertheless, I will be rejoicing on June 28th when I know, for sure, that my 90 day probationary period is over! More than two months to go, yikes!