So, I haven’t told many people, but I’ve been unhappy in my marriage for 6 years, and the first 4 years don’t really count to me since he was gone literally half the time overseas.
He never tells me I’m beautiful, gorgeous, amazing, sexy, etc. He instead tells me I need to lose weight, the clothes I’m wearing aren’t sexy, etc.
He never kisses me except for the routine “smooch” for goodbye or good morning or whatnot. He tells me he loves me but I don’t feel the love there.
He complains about my smoking because it makes my breath nasty, but apparently I’m the only one in the world that this happens to because he has no problem making out with other women right after they smoke.
He treats me more like his maid than a wife, which makes me less likely to even do chores around the house. The house is kept clean, I do my part, it’s cluttered sometimes but never messy or filthy. He complains if I get on my computer after a long day at work, which takes away my motivation to do anything.
He never spends time with me. We don’t have the same interest in TV shows, but is it really so hard to sit by me while I’m watching one and you can play on your computer, and when you want to watch a TV show I don’t like I’ll return the favor.
I haven’t felt loved or wanted in a long, long time and I’ve had enough. Saturday night was the last straw. I came home from a friend’s party and he had gotten completely wasted, at home by himself. He’s done this before, and I don’t feel it’s healthy for someone who has alcoholism running in their family. So, I think it’s pathetic.
I had met this guy, it was brought on by a challenge from Dave because he told me I don’t know how to flirt and couldn’t get a guy. So I did. And this guy was so amazing, telling me every day how wonderful I was, that he wanted to be with me. After Saturday night when I decided to leave, he told me to give him time and he’d get his girlfriend out. Just the other night he told me he wanted me to stay forever, he sent me beautiful poetry he’d written for me, he was so amazing, then suddenly last night he blocks me from his FB and won’t return my txts or emails.
I feel like I deserve happiness, and I thought I had found it in this guy, but now I’m just depressed. I don’t know what to do. I’ve lost faith that my husband can make me happy. I haven’t been “in love” with him for a long time, though I do still love and care about him. And I wanted to be with this other guy and now he’s shattered my heart too. Am I just meant to live the rest of my life in a miserable marriage? Or in the poor house all by myself?
I’m so torn, I have a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts. I can’t possibly express in one entry how much devastation I’ve had over the last 6 years. Dave and I had gone to counseling, we’ve talked about these same issues over and over and over and nothing has ever changed, I’ve lost faith that it ever would.
Sure, sometimes we go out and we do have a good time and it seems ok, but we only have sex like once every 2 or 3 months and we’ve been having more sex with other people in the swinging lifestyle than with each other, and that doesn’t make for a healthy marriage.
I’ve told my family about this, and my mom said she’s known all this time that he verbally abuses me. She tells me sometimes that she can tell how much we love each other, and yet at the same time she knows I haven’t been happy because of how he treats me.
I don’t know what to do or where to go. I don’t know what would make me happy. And what’s more important? The financial stability I have finally found, or happiness that I have always deserved?